Earlier today, Benjamin Kim and Shiv Suresh ‘29, two water fountain experts, set out on a “fountain adventure.” They were equipped with water bottles, fresh palates, and an irresponsible eagerness to empty the campus water fountains, so the two went out to sample almost every one. Their task was easy: figuring out which fountains should be honored, and which must be privily drained away and never mentioned again.
It started at the basement of Hubbard, where enthusiasm was great and expectations were high. Sadly, reality soon arrived. The two Hubbard fountains were, on the whole, a 4/10 drinkable, but spiritually unsatisfactory. It was fine water—but “fine” is not what one wants when one is thirsty and at school.
Matters quickly got out of hand at Chaffee. Chaffee got a severe yet fair 2/10, as it required a water bottle to drink from. Its temperature was not great either.
There was momentary redemption at the RAC. The indoor fountain came up with a respectable 6.5/10: it was chilled enough, but the pressure was not convincing. But close by, at fountain RAC-2 RAC-3, the experts hit the jackpot. This place was a resounding success with 9/10 due to ice-cold water; excellent pressure; a double fountain; and a bottle-filling station. The only flaw? It was at an inconvenient location.
The NEO fountain was a case of an identity crisis. It was not very cold, at low pressure, and in a position upon which nobody uses, culminating in a rating of 6.5/10.
Harman’s fountain received an honorable mention. While it may be the most reliable and provides both cold and hot water, it is unclear if they really count as water fountains.
Clark offered a mixed bag. The fountain at the bottom of Clark was well-pressurized with cold water, and was perfectly located (8/10). On the other hand, the entrance fountain received a savage 0/10. It was low pressure to such a degree that you would have to lick the foundation. The disappointing low pressure and overall inconvenience was found again with the second-floor fountain, located near the stairs.
Brush offered a certain degree of stability. The location of the basement fountain was pulling its rating to 7/10 as it provided cold water and solid pressure. The fountain on the third floor, however, had poor pressure and lukewarm water, earning a distinct 5/10, and a caution to all those thirsty above the second floor.
The expedition took a grim turn towards the dining hall conveyor belt: there was a fountain which would not switch on. No rating was given.
Last but certainly not least, the number one water fountain on campus is undeniable: the fountain next to the squash courts and the gym. While it may be broken sometimes, it provides cold water at the most convenient spot on the entire campus. Additionally, there is another water fountain downstairs by the basketball courts, which is also very conveniently placed.
Conclusively, campus hydration is a gamble. The most important takeaway? Do not trust a fountain that is close to an entrance.
