It’s another Friday Pelican Time in Olcott, and the student body has gathered for yet another all-school meeting. It has become clear that the meetings are good at relaying news, but not as good at keeping students focused. We’ve all seen students smuggling phones and hiding behind tall students to play Clash Royale or catch up with work. People are more engaged during history discussions than the all-schools. So, how do we keep the student body both awake and informed? Here are some rather interesting possibilities to ponder:

Solution 1: Dress up

With Halloween around the corner, it would fit the theme very well if speakers dressed up in costumes. Would it still work past trick-or-treat season? Probably. At least it would be entertaining to the crowd. However

Solution 2: Focus

Our attention span is shorter than a goldfish’s. No––even shorter than the fishbowl. Perhaps some YouTube Shorts strategy could be the play. Envision, if you will, Subway Surfers or Minecraft parkour on the projector. Are the students hyperfocused on the announcement, or are they getting hypnotised by the Tiktok algorithm?

Solution 3: Every statement is a lie

To even have a slight idea of what the speaker is rambling on about, our minds will have to be active, logic-ing our way into figuring out the announcements. Should important messages get clouded by truths and lies, though? But of course, all is well until the president of the Logic Club walks up and says “this statement is a lie”.

Solution 4: Poem

Announcements now have to be spoken in rhyme

Posing a challenge for all who dare speak

Let’s make the meeting a more interesting time

This literature will make all-schools peak

Solution 5: Ragebaiting

“Breakfast check in for everyone––all grades, boarders and day. Study hall every night. Citrus peach to make its final appearance in the dining hall”. This would surely keep the crowd engaged, and maybe a little enraged. Is it worth the tradeoff, sacrificing morale for attention?

Solution 6: Food

Students will be far less inclined to skip meetings now, with food on the line. It’s very common for students to show up to club meetings just for a bite to eat, so why not all-school meetings? If only communit- I mean, Pelican Time were before lunch, then we could have a quick morning snack rather than more food after lunch.

Solution 7: Duet

Imagine that two people walk up to make an announcement. Nothing out of the ordinary so far, however, the plot twist comes when they each take half the words instead of splitting the message into two parts. Alternating, they can form normal sentences, but at half the speed. Some can be really good at this, while others can struggle to get the message through. Do group speakers have what it takes to think as one?

Solution 8: Code

While you wait for the speaker to start, you realize that they already have. Silently. Through American sign language. Or maybe someone brings up a morse machine causing dots and dashes to fill Olcott. The only slight problem is that some people may not understand Morse code. But still, this is what teachers call an excellent learning opportunity.

Solution 9: Free

Definitely the best option by far: just less meetings. Have more efficient ones but meet less often, since most information has been repeated in emails or class meetings and clubs struggle to find meeting times. We promise to read the Daily Bulletin!

While Dr. Jarrod Spencer talks about the nappuccino, students drift off into their 26 minute power nap preemptively. This is no good. Using the methods mentioned above, let’s make the meetings something to look forward to!