The Student Newspaper of The Loomis Chaffee School

The Loomis Chaffee Log

The Student Newspaper of The Loomis Chaffee School

The Loomis Chaffee Log

The Student Newspaper of The Loomis Chaffee School

The Loomis Chaffee Log

What we’re thankful for
What we’re thankful for
February 11, 2024
Prepare for cold
Prepare for cold
February 11, 2024
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AI becomes dumb

Frozen+over+planet
Lily Clark ’24
Frozen over planet

Rachael Lantner ’25
Staff Writer
Takeover: Ice Nation’s Attempt

ERROR! WARNING! CRITICALLY COLD! SHUTTING DOWN … goodbye.
Students wandered the streets free from AI telling them when to think, eat, and sleep. AI created porridge from their brains, making this space, a space once filled with joy and thought, now devoid of any feelings.
One problem: the AI fails when the temperature drops. On the sunny days of daily life, it succeeds in thwarting a human’s ability to think. However, when the temperature grows colder, the AI’s present existence is doomed.
The AI was as prepared as Loomis Chaffee students going into finals week. It did not predict the world to be encapsulated in a sheet of ice; it did not predict the rise of the Ice Nation.
Students were no longer controlled by AI. It turned students’ brains to mush, and now the cold turned their brains to ice. Students patrol the streets not knowing how to behave.
Academic performances plummeted; homework was not done; tests and papers were failed. Social interactions consisted of being near people and staring off into the distance. So, typical student interactions — except for those staring at a phone a foot away — involved staring at the trees. Despite the seemingly healthier way of life, teachers were not pleased. A school, once filled with straight A students (I promise it was not because of grade inflation), now did not have a single student who got an A.
Rather than using their frozen brains to succeed academically, they used it to fight the Ice Nation. It started like all other struggles do — dislike turns to hatred turns to belligerence. The students’ frozen-over brains collaborated on how to take over the Ice Nation.
The Ice Nation’s goal: colonize the planet, kill the humans, move to another world.
The human’s goal: return to normal. Achieve a world where computers complete everything, where they don’t have to think or feel.
Combining their wisdom, the students fought back: they threatened the Ice Nation’s king and forced the mob to retreat. Slowly, the sheet of ice covering the world melted. The AI regained its strength. The world was cohesive again — humans inputted their requests into the AI sitting at their fingertips and achieved all of the markers of excellent students.
At staff meetings, the teachers shared that they were bewildered as to why none of the students could recall ideas without first glancing down at their laptop, but that issue was for later.
Ice Nation: 0
Students: 1

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