No … no … no. You frantically search through your room, hoping to find a single crumb, tiniest morsel, the smallest spill of microwave ramen you didn’t clean up from 6 days ago. But alas, nothing. After a relentless inner battle, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, grab your crusty amazon tote bag and off brand airpods, and leave without the umbrella in your dorm—bad decision. You begin your soggy march to Giesslers. With each stomach grumble and puddling step you make your way to the one safe haven for food-needers everywhere and … wait … what is this?! GERALD’S HARDWARE STORE?!

There you have it. The once beloved Geissler’s Supermarket, now diminished to selling nuts and bolts. Where there once were lines upon lines of sugary cereal that your mom never let you eat, there are now only brass, not even steel, door hinges. It seemed like only yesterday you could ask for a tub of cookie dough that you would absolutely demolish in the first 1 ½ days of finals week; now they just point you in the direction of plumbing supplies. What are you even supposed to snack on? Toilet plungers? The soft jingle heard throughout the stocked shelves, replaced by Old Town Road on repeat. Even stranger is the fact that business is booming. Tractors have overtaken the parking lot, wrapping around the block. Billboards have been put up all across America. It was even a main feature in Luke Bryan’s new music video, titled Huntin’, Fishin’, and Buyin’ Those Keys! The world’s changing, folks, and not for the better.

You start to trudge your way through the labyrinth of power tools and paint, holding back tears. Even the sawdust has begun to look appetizing. Hold up … what is that … ? A sliver of hope is ignited in you as you race past the lawn mowers and window screens … there! Looming above you, lights blinking, window shining: a vending machine. You feed it, $5, $10, $74.52. Under a clear sky, you strut back to campus, your bag full of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and your stomach full of hope for what the future holds.