The Log isn’t as it seems. Contrary to its self-portrayal as a symbol of journalistic integrity, a deeper dive into the organization’s classy webpage and nostalgic print editions will uncover a treasure trove of starry-eyed failed Mélanges. Hence, I would like to take you all on a journey down memory lane to see what could have been. Because as Tsu Sun said, “we must revisit the past and remember our mistakes in order to keep making them” (or something like that). And besides, what better organization is there to compromise than my own?
“The Most Romantic On-Campus Valentine’s Day Date Ideas.”
As many of you may know, most Log authors are single Pringles held up in their rooms, spoon-deep in ice cream as they rush to churn out articles at 11:39 PM. So when this groundbreaking idea was first coined, the sheer potential it wielded to spark actual romance among the student body led Log editors to shut it down immediately, fearing the possibility that love might rear its terrifying head on their doorstep. Furthermore, due to the Log writers possessing no dating experience themselves, they simply did not have the knowledge required to handle this complex topic. Unfortunately for the many members of the couple class of ‘94, the legacy of their past prom queens and kings will forever be lost to the clutches of our still very single editors (and secret faculty parents who were tired of their children witnessing on campus PDA).
“Which Washer Setting Best Describes Your Emotional Baggage?”
The idea was spun after a junior was found crying next to a “delicates” cycle. After initial research, the intention of the article was to combine laundry with therapy in order to provide some sense of solace to others who find themselves staring at the “heavy load” button for a bit too long. However, the idea was deemed too sensitive as test readers started to find themselves reminiscing over the parallels between the smell of detergent and parental validation. Tide also never got back to us about that sponsorship, so now our Richmond Laundry Marketing Team feels awfully like that perpetually unfixed dryer.
“Most Datable Dorm Snack.”
Whether it’s the excitement of multi flavoured cream cheese, the warm embrace of pizza pockets, or the nostalgic air of mac and cheese, there’s no denying that sometimes love isn’t what you need—it’s a good dorm snack that can always hit the spot. This idea was taken down after students realized they had more chemistry with a packet of Cheez-Its than with other humans.
Whether it’s the regrets of unused Valentines spots, piled up emotional laundry and discussions on dorm snacks, these ideas will forever continue to be locked away as authors continue daydreaming of potential topics while sitting on a mountain of satirical gold.
