My sweaty arms are trapped within the folds of my wool sweater as I meander along The Way, yearning to re-experience exactly 24 hours ago when I was still peacefully cocooned by my blankets, halfway through my night’s sleep. Now, I have the suddenly warm sun shining on my still-on-break-mode body.
Reaching my hand out from under the sweater that is cradled in my arms, I pull on the door to Scanlan, hoping that there are tater tots inside. It doesn’t budge. Ah. Must be the other door. So, I tried the right one. No luck.
The red light mocks me, hiding from my eyesight as I experience perplexity. I am trying to open a locked door. Key card. Right.
Rubbing my eyes and stifling a yawn, I scan my card and pull on the left door. It opens. Left. Dining hall is left.
Left, like the family dinners and my favorite foods are left behind, waiting for me to return to them in the summer. Left, like my desire to eat meals while talking to people is left behind.
No more consuming my perfectly cooked pasta while watching my fourth Netflix episode of the day. Getting back into the swing of school is never easy, but neither is remembering how to socialize.
“Hi, how was your break?” “Oh, that’s fun.” I can’t have this conversation 20 more times today.
Poor breakfast crew. They are talking to me while I’m half asleep and weeding through my mind to understand how to hold a conversation, all while my stomach is begging me to cease letting sound pass through my lips.
Darn it, She asked how my break was, and I just took a bite. Do I risk displaying my chewed up food for all to see, or do I just not respond? Why does chewing take forever when people are waiting?
Somehow, I make it to lunch without falling asleep, and I’ve only had a handful of “how was your break” conversations. I should be waking up now.
Lunch. Walking into the servery, I wander a bit, trying to figure out what to eat. But my muscle memory kicks in, and my stomach helps it walk me to the sandwich bar. PB&J is number one in the new term. One out of fifty.
A sandwich for each day I have left of the term, I have to relearn how to find the motivation to do homework and lie to myself that I will get enough sleep that night.