From the diary journal of Ulek Ahn ’55, Editor-in-Chief of the Log
Friday, February 21
6:29 AM-
It’s going to be a great day! Post-awakening, I immediately fueled myself with three readings of the Oxford English Dictionary, and a quick hand-carved transcription of the Rosetta Stone. Receiving a letter via messenger pigeon, I realized that today is the day! All articles have been submitted, and as a devout Log-er, I could not contain my zest, zeal, and zing for editing.
7:48 AM-
Something is gravely wrong. Every single article is……. funny?! All the opinions, news, features, and sports sections have metamorphosed into MÉLANGE?? A philosophical contemplation on convocations, now a haiku about convalescence. A report on the Winter Musical, “Nothing Good”, now a listicle on how to fry chicken! This cannot be!! I grabbed a piece of organically grown, non-GMO, gluten free paper, and speedily wrote a letter, summoning my royal subjects (section editors).
9:32 AM-
While anxiously awaiting their response, I nervously wrote a New York Times Bestselling memoir (“Conundrums of Ulek”), discovered a new element (Ul), and debated CDA style against my mirror (I won). Wait… What’s tha-
10:03 AM-
This is Girte (geer-tay) Nogs (’57), and I have Ulek. This is now our Mélange Manifesto. We’re taking over the Log and creating a unified state- MÉLANGE. New rules include: any and all written work must be satirical, humorous, and under 500 words; I should be addressed as “The Suprélanger”; and remember, it is necessary to think, live, and breathe mélange.
12:26 PM-
I barely managed to escape with my life. You wouldn’t believe the atrocities committed upon me by Girte, et al! They tied me up with a pack of Haribo Sour S’ghetti and forced me to use APA style citations! Even more shocking, someone mysteriously erected an enormous statue of Siar Houz ’58, the best Log writer on the planet! Anyways, as the Editor-in-Chief of the Log, I must quell this rebellion. This means war!
2:52 PM-
I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but it appears I must bring out my secret weapon. In order to defeat the mélangers, I loaded up my Pelican Launcher 5000, bestowing a new friend onto each and every writer. Alas, once again, the power of friendship saves us all! I have regained control of the Log. I have also placed the entire mélange section in Monopoly Jail. All in a day’s work. Now, all that’s left on my Canvas To-Do List, is writing a 100%, bona-fide, serious, news article, about what happened today.
Best,
Ulek Ahn
