An Unexpected Convocation Speaker
Ethan Zhou ’27

The bright young faces of the Loomis Chaffee School students light up the stage as the guest speaker, a rocket scientist, walks into the spotlight.
The speaker starts her speech as anybody would, introducing herself as an avid believer in alien life and human technological advancement. As the students begin to fall asleep worrying about their next test, the scientist jolts the room awake as she uncovers a large metal box previously hidden by a curtain. “This machine uses artificial intelligence to take an idea and project it into the real world,” she explains. “Today I will demonstrate this machine’s use in space exploration, but I will first need a volunteer who is interested in the advancement of humankind and…” an awkward pause ensues as both students and faculty members lean their heads forward in curiosity “I need someone shaped like a rocket ship to give the device a visual baseline to build off of.”
The crowd goes silent; few had expected the convocation speaker to have such a perplexing request upon her audience, and even fewer understood the meaning behind a “rocket-shaped person.” After a silence that felt like centuries, a young sophomore boy with tall curly hair that resembled a head of broccoli stood up, “My name is Andy Yang, and I believe I fit with the criteria.” The crowd gasps: they had never seen a boy who represented a rocket ship as much as Broccoli Boy did; his fluffy, dyed hair was like a 1:1 representation of the plumes of flame ejected from the engines, and his aerodynamic build was sure to set new aviation records.
He walks inside the device, and sure enough, seconds later, a rocket shoots through the ceiling with enough velocity and power to frighten Victoria into revealing her secret. A live feed of Andy’s ascent is displayed on the projector screen as the scientist walks into the device and reappears as none other than… Elon Musk! “I apologize for deceiving everyone. I am Elon Musk, and I have used my own device to change my appearance into a friendly neighborhood rocket scientist to convince bright young minds to assist in the final step of colonizing all of the universe,” he announces, “And with that, I have sent the first man on Mars! As for the return trip, I’m sure he’ll figure something out.”