Angelina Wang ’26
Staff Writer
Turkey Strikes Fear into Onlookers
It was a normal Thanksgiving day, or Turkey Day. The sun was singing, the birds were shining, and Mrs. Rajender, a beloved chemistry teacher who lives 100 feet away from Loomis Chaffee campus, had just retrieved the titular dinner out of the oven and placed it on the table with the rest of the food when the turkey squawked. A series of extremely extraordinary events followed.
“I really wonder what would’ve happened if my family ate that turkey,” Mrs. Rajender said, “It terrifies me. That thing destroyed my house!” Students who checked out the scene can verify the claim. With the holes in the walls and furniture thrown into disarray, the testimonies of misfortunes surrounding this particular poultry only multiplied as it continued to wreak havoc around the school.
One such incident that occurred only a day after its escape was the destruction of Scanlan Center, where it grew to the size of the Empire State Building, stomped on the property until it was a pancake, and then shrunk again to retreat into hiding under a bed in a Kravis dorm room for ten minutes of rest. Luckily, there was no one inside at the time, and none of the other buildings received the same treatment. Nevertheless, LC spent a considerable amount of money fixing walls and replacing windows.
“The moment I heard of them, I just knew that their name was Dinner,” Eliana Beckenbauer ’24 said. While many students and faculty alike saw the turkey as a nuisance, there was a sizable population who found it funny, collectively naming it Dinner as a result of Beckenbauer’s influence, believing it to be more of a school mascot than the renowned pelican. However, after the Scanlan Incident, only a few such people remain.
Attempts to catch the turkey have failed in the most odd ways. A popular video recorded by Talvi Belluomo ’27 is one of many examples of not only superior camera operation, but also how one should not go about catching this headless fowl with the strength of an elephant. “Man, if only this stupid bird could take my Advanced Algebra II class for me,” he said. “I’m pretty sure it planned from the beginning for that tree to catapult me all the way into the Cow Pond.”
As a result, the school was forced to hire the Unfathomable Bird Catching Patrol (UBCP) to take down this turkey once and for all. This operation was mostly a secret from the student body, but some spotted members setting up elaborate, out-of-this-world traps, while others received self-defense lessons should they ever encounter this fowl in a 1v1 battle. We can only hope, however, that we will not have to deal with a headless Meleagris gallopavo crashing through a window in the middle of Advanced Physics I by the end of next week.
