Despite its reputation as one of Loomis Chaffee’s most anticipated events of the year, it is safe to say that last month’s lip sync battle was a complete and utter disappointment. And while there were some absolutely dog-water performances like the one by Harman Hall’s prefects, a large part of the event’s failure was due to poor planning.

The lip sync battle usually takes place in Hubbard, but this year it was moved to Olcott. Because of the location change, lip sync-fanatics like myself were unable to enjoy the pleasures of being in an overcrowded hallway. We could neither be trampled on the way into Hubbard, nor enjoy the sweat-scented air and the oppressive heat. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy arriving one hour early only to end up at the back of the line? Watching people dance to music is awesome, but half the fun of it lies in the challenge of even being able to watch in the first place. Exclusivity matters!

In fact, why not take this idea a step further? The school administrators should authorize students to fist-fight each other right before the start of the event. Those who manage to survive can take their rightful and honorable place in the front of the line. After all, watching these performances is a privilege that only the strongest warriors should earn.

However, I doubt many people would call this year’s performances an enjoyable watch. As if things couldn’t get any worse, certain people thought it would be a good idea to require that songs be Disney-themed: who thought playing Let It Go would entertain hundreds of teenagers? While most of these teenagers in question have trash music taste anyways (cough cough Taylor Swift), Disney songs fail to produce the exciting atmosphere that gives the event its reputation. We all know many students who would rather be singing along to NewJeans’s ETA and Super Shy or Nicki Minaj’s Starships.

With that being said, even the original version of the event could use some additions. A lip sync battle without twerking dinosaurs can be equated to a car without wheels: it just isn’t the same. Furthermore, it should be a requirement that all finalists dress up as dinosaurs and beat each other up on stage, until only one remains standing. Obviously, this would have to happen at the end of the performances.

I am certain that by taking my suggestions and critiques into consideration, the school will see an increase in annual donations, school spirit, and we’ll see ourselves at #1 on Niche.com’s boarding school rankings in no time.