In a surprising move by the Loomis Chaffee School, football has been removed from the fall sports roster. After a season of absolutely crushing opponents last year, hopeful students, faculty, alumni, and parents have looked towards Pratt Field in hopes of another stunning season — only to find the field completely empty.
It seems clear that Loomis is shifting its focus toward more important matters, like the construction of a half-court for basketball players and tennis court seating. The football team was not mentioned at the most recent all-school meeting at all.
After much in-depth research regarding the elusive football team, there have been some remarkable discoveries regarding the removal of the Loomis Chaffee football team. It seems that an unforeseen disastrous event caused a myriad of issues, and thus the school had to move forward in a way best suited to deal with the unanticipated issues.
The disaster came in the form of Olaus Alinen’s college commitment. After receiving college offers numbering in the double digits for his football prowess, our favorite player has decided to play for The University of Alabama in his college career. After his commitment, Alabama advised Olaus against playing football for Loomis to minimize risk of injury.
When Loomis heard the news, it couldn’t bear to watch any football games knowing that Olaus would not be playing. So, the administration made a quick decision to allow the soccer teams to play on Pratt in an attempt to hide their missing football team.
The Loomis Athletics Department soon realized that more effort was needed to draw focus away from the empty field. They planned to initialize loud construction plans in Olcott and Batchelder and Palmer Halls. In doing so, the school thought it could hide their plan from the speculation of the student body, flabbergasting even athletes as the routes to their dorms and the dining hall were compromised.
According to an email sent to the entire school body, the intent of this new construction is to encourage more students to participate in winter and spring sports. There seems to be more to the construction, however: administration made the noise levels outside of Founders so high so that no one could hear its proceedings as it made new plans for Pratt Field.
It appears that the administration is currently at a grinding halt, stuck between building a permanent Grit-n-Wit course for students or reserving the field for the sacred Pelican Games. While no student ideas are being considered for the replacement of Pratt Field, Pelicans can only wait and see what will become of our quiet football field, now that our football team has flown away.