I bet you’ve been wondering what’s really going on in Palmer. Well, this article will finally answer your questions. You’ve probably stayed up past your bedtime recently just to peek into the windows of Palmer and catch a glimpse of what they could possibly be doing. Perhaps you’ve even woken up due to the mysterious banging from their construction site. However, let me tell you that trying to find out what they’re doing is a big mistake. I took the heavy responsibility of investigating this peculiar situation, and the following is a detailed report of what you may find if you were to attempt the same.
You will see strange lights flashing in the dorm. Now, there can only be one answer to strange lights: a UFO. Clearly, a UFO is trapped in Palmer — and, trust me, I’ve seen it. While renovating the first floor of Palmer, the crafty construction workers had an unexpected encounter. In the early morning of Tuesday, September 13th, a UFO crashed through the ceiling of Palmer and embedded itself into the first floor of the building. How do I know this? Well, I was watching, obviously. As fate had it, the day of this otherworldly occurrence happened to be the very same day I carried out my incredibly high-stakes, super secretive, perilous, and non-pecuniary plan. It caught everyone off guard. Luckily, no one was harmed in this encounter. The extremely competent workers quickly patched up the hole before everyone woke up, leading to a successful mission in covering up all evidence of the event.
Now, they were left with a slight problem: the UFO. They knew they needed to hide it, and what other better place to hide things than underground? Knowing this, the hardworking workers went to work with their netherite pickaxe, diamond shovel, and a Bobcat Excavator to dig a hole for the UFO.
However, another huge problem quickly arose: the extravagant workers broke their pickaxe, shovel, and Bobcat Excavator while trying to dig a hole big enough for the UFO (the hole was estimated to be approximately 84 feet wide and 37 feet deep). What was the next most logical thing to do? “Time to spend 20 years breaking a single block of stone!” they thought. Legend has it that they’re still digging the hole to this day (it hasn’t been that many days).
But remember, don’t try to see what they’re doing in Palmer. I’ve been spotted and am now on the run from the police. Luckily though, the underground is always a great place to hide things … and people.